Committing to goals Borderline Personality Disorder

Is it Borderline Personality Disorder or a trait of Bipolar Disorder?

Not being able to commit to something long term is not unique to those with mental health issues. I think it’s the scale of the commitment and the power with which you fall into depression. I’ve let so many skills lie fallow that taking them up again would be like starting over and this is a mental health issue. Although this is a common trait of Borderline Personality Disorder there is evidence of an overlap of symptoms between Borderline Personality Disorder and Type II Bipolar Disorder. This article is well written and describes some of the similarities and differences.

Walking off the pitch after scoring my last goal

For me, I think the two are definitely related.  I can justify this by looking at the number of discontinued projects in my shed, study and kitchen. It is a running joke in the house at the moment and one that is covered well in the film Infinitely Polar bear. Sometimes my house looks like a pawn shop.

 

Running around Dorney Lake in Windsor

 

Just to explain, my hobbies and interests have varied wildly all through my life. I often start a project and become so absorbed, it becomes what could be called a manic episode.  I’ll be so committed to being the best in the world at it but the fact is, I can’t. This can cause so much stress and anxiety that I stop and within a short amount of time, I’ve fallen in love with a new preoccupation and the cycle starts again.

I’ve listed some of the highlights below:

Running  – From boy to man I have nearly always been a runner.  I used to run 6 miles to work and back every day. Although the urge to enter and win every race has passed.
Swimming:  I once qualified to be a lifeguard but that wasn’t enough, I was aiming at the professional surfing circuit.
Cycling: I bought a nice bike on the Cycle to Work Scheme and I cycled it a lot. You know the saying “All the gear and no idea”. It’s rusting in the shed now.
Triathlons (see the first three above).
Music performing: I can play the guitar and was trying to get into a prestigious music school to become a classical performer. I can’t sing but spent a lot of money being classically trained. It didn’t make me any better. I’ve been in and out of rock bands and at one point I was leaving for LA to become a rock God. Now I settle for playing the drums. Can you see a pattern?
Music reproduction: I’m a Hi-Fi Geek. I spent a lot of money on equipment.
Computers: A common theme through my professional career. I have an honours degree in Electronic Engineering. It pays my mortgage. Enough said.
Education: I’m currently sharpening my business acumen by taking an MBA course at the Open University.
Drawing – I like to think I’m good at pencil portraits. I’m not that bad actually.
Writing: hence the blog
Design:  I like well thought out objects, be they buildings, cars or electronic devices. I wanted to join Seymour Powell but without any experience or qualifications.
Cooking:  I like making fish dishes. I think I might open a restaurant soon.
Photography – currently squeezing everything I can out of an iPhone 7
Travelling – My ultimate downfall. Travelling and Bipolar Disorder do not mix. My bag is always packed but that is not always a good thing.